


Queen of the Wasteland

by Kosho



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Cullen, Clones, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Cullen Has Issues, Dalish Elves, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Elves, Eventual Sex, F/M, Flashbacks, Gage Secretly Likes Boss, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Jealous Cullen, Kissing, Like He Doesn't Know, Loyalty, Magic, Non-Human Genitalia, Non-Linear Narrative, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Paladin Danse Is Alive, Question Everything, Research, Slave Trade, Slavery, Synths, The Anchor (Dragon Age), The Institute Is Basically Evil, Time Travel, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, institute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-16 08:51:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14161200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosho/pseuds/Kosho
Summary: Lavellan found herself over a thousand years in the future. In a time and place she was never meant to be. The wasteland of a broken world changes the best of people, and she is no exception. As Overboss of Nuka-World, she's in line to make the difficult choices and changes the world needs. When her former companions show up on her doorstep, the only way to save them is to show them her way is the only way.





	1. A Strange Sense of Humor

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I picked the best possible starting place, so there's a small chance I might eventually change a few things, but I'll ride it out for now and see where it goes.

“Boss.” Gage said, snapping her from her thoughts. 

  


She lifted her head, adjusting the goggles perched atop her head. “What’s on, Gage?” 

  


“You so out of it you can’t hear that screeching on the radio?” he asked dryly. “Someone’s finished the gauntlet. What d’ya want to do?” 

  


“Depends. Much of a challenge?” she asked. 

  


“It’s a group. Strong bunch, men and women.” he told her. 

  


“I’ll go down. Doubtless they’re no threat to me, better round up some collars.” she sighed, pushing herself up. “I’ll see if at least one of them has the will to stand up to me.” 

  


Gage stood there for a moment, watching her amble over to the lift, riding it down. He bent to toss a few of the slaver collars into a bag, hauling it down to the arena. He’d seen her fight plenty of times, knew just what she was made of. There was a reason the gangs were playing so nicely together, and it had very little to do with her charming demeanor. Hell, he wasn’t afraid to die, didn’t back down from a fight, but she was one even he didn’t want to mess with. He reached the arena shortly before she did, in time to catch RedEye hyping up her arrival. 

  


“You heard me right, assholes! We got a feisty bunch for you today, will we see Overboss Veil’s signature brand of carnage again today? My money’s on a new coat of blood painting the room.” he asked the gathered audience. 

  


“Shut up, already!” someone yelled back. 

  


“Must’ve been from the Pack, because I swear I heard a bitch barking out there.” he retorted almost immediately after. 

  


There was a wave of boos and hisses, but the room fell silent when the Overboss finally arrived. She pulled her goggles down, thumbing the edge of the kukri spread between her slim hands. She stopped for just a moment, mildly surprised at the unusual group standing in front of her. Stopping short of the door, she reached back, drawing her scarf up over her dark hair, shaking her head.

  


“So the gods have a sense of humor…” she muttered. 

  


Gage glanced to her for only a moment, his curiosity momentarily piqued at the quiet comment. She tossed the blade onto the shelf by the door, pushing it open. Cracking her knuckles, she crossed her arms over her chest, pacing in front of them. 

  


“Well well, hapless mice walk into the cat’s kingdom. What do you have to say for yourself?” she asked seriously. 

  


“We did not mean to end up here. We’re simply trying to figure out where we might find shelter for the night.” a woman asked. 

  


_ Cassandra _ . Strange how she always seemed to rise to the top, despite never having an official advisory position. At the very least, the woman didn’t seem to see beneath the disguise, her time in the wasteland had barely changed her, but clearly it was enough that such a simple change made her entirely forgettable. The man at her side was as dangerously perceptive as he ever was. 

“Lavellan? Is that you?” Solas asked quietly. 

  


Wonderful. Sighing to herself, Veil unfastened her scarf, the tails billowing back in place at her shoulders. Pulling up her goggles, they shared a collective gasp, everything from her crimson makeup, the matching vallaslin marking under her eyes, and the scar crossing the bridge of her nose leaving them with no doubt.

  


“I really wish you hadn’t figured it out so quickly.” she lamented. “Lizzie! A little help, if you would?” 

  


Lizzie rose up from her seat, rifling through her pack before tossing down a metallic silver device. Veil covered her mouth and nose, catching the bag Gage tossed her. The device opened, smoke pouring out of it with a loud hiss, minutes passing before all of their strange visitors dropped in a heap to the floor. She squatted down, fixing a collar in place around the necks of each of her former companions. Maybe someday, they’d finally understand and they would no longer be needed, but for now, this was the best way to ensure they had no choice but to listen. Stealing someone’s free will, slavery in general was always something she was strongly against, a little ironic that it was the best way she had to save them now.

  


“A little help would be nice.” she announced. 

  


Several of the Operators quickly rushed down to help carry the unconscious group. Gage took a look at them, having gathered enough to figure out that she already knew them, and they her. 

  


“What do you want done with them, Boss?” he asked. 

  


“None of them are to be killed. Anyone who hurts them answers to me personally, and they will not get the same mercy. Gesturing to them in turn, she explained where they were to go. 

  


“Take them to the market, they can join the others there. These are best for gathering intelligence, put them to use for us when they’re more agreeable. These’ll need a lot of work before they’re willing to play nicely.” she said decisively. 

  


Gage gestured to one of the men, staring down at him curiously. “What do you want me to do with this one?”

  


She pulled her goggles back down, no point in a disguise, everyone here already knew who she was, what she looked like. It was more to prevent him from seeing the feeling surely showing plainly on her eyes at that moment. Sucking in a sharp breath and exhaling slowly like she wasn’t quite sure and needed a moment to think about it, she gave a slight shrug. 

  


“Bring him up. Can’t very well make you wait on me, now can I?” she laughed. 

  


Of course it was dangerous. It was a shitty thing she was doing, she knew that. If any of them still trusted her enough to listen, it would be him. Maybe she would have an easier time making him see the truth the way she had. The trip back up top was a short one, but somehow, right now, it never felt longer. Hours felt like they stretched by before the lift creaked to a stop. She eyed the bottles in the fridge, damaged and ugly though it was, it was functional. Never much of a drinker, this place had changed that about her too. She grabbed two bottles, crossing the room to kick back in the comfort of her bed, setting the cold beer down long enough to peel off her short jacket. She flung it, her scarf and her gloves a wooden rocking chair across the room, rolling her bared shoulders with a heavy sigh. Gage arrived soon after, dumping the unconscious man onto the dilapidated sofa on the opposite side of the room. He sunk down to the bed with a groan, his back against the headboard, taking the beer she held out before handing her a half crushed pack of cigarettes. She plucked one out, lighting it in silence, staring out the window, across the park. He took the bottle from her, twisting the cap and tossing it, handing it back to her. 

  


“So...you know them.” he said conversationally. 

  


Gage wasn’t much for talking, not usually. She liked that about him. He was the only one  _ she _ trusted here, the only one who knew whatever secrets she’d chosen to share with him, and the only one who would like as not keep them. 

  


“We were allies. Before I ended up here, we fought together under one banner, the same cause. I was blind to the world then, but not anymore.” she said. “I don’t know how it is they ended up here, but they’ll want to fight this. I just need time to get them under control. I can show them the world the way I see it. They’ll come to see that this might seem cruel of me, but it is the only mercy this land has to offer.” 

  


He patted her knee slightly, calloused fingers tracing slow circles over it thoughtfully. “Why this one? You made it look good. Must be important.” 

  


Veil glanced up for only a second, red eyes falling to land on the unconscious man. Flicking her ash away, she took a sip, trying to think of how to explain it. “We were close. If anyone will see reason, I know it’s him.” 

  


Gage stared at him curiously. He wasn’t particularly possessive, but he had questions, plenty of them. “What’s his name?’

  


“Cullen.” she said simply. “He once led my armies. Never once doubted me, not like others did.” 

  


“The other guy. He called you Lavellan.” he pointed out. 

  


“Solas. I thought there was a chance no one would recognize me. Shoulda known better.” she shrugged. “I thought you’d have figured out a long time ago that ‘Veil’ is just an alias.”

  


“I had a feeling. Didn’t want to pry.” he said. 

  


“Sirona.” she said. “My name is Sirona Lavellan.” 

  


“You know they’ll think you’ve gone soft.” he said, unsure what to say. 

  


Everyone had something they wanted to forget. No point in hiding her name if that wasn’t one of those things for her. He watched her fling the remainder of her cigarette out the open window, absently lifting the bottle back to her mouth with a nod. 

  


“Nisha’s been looking for a reason to step out of line. I’m aware. I’ll keep an eye on it, put the Disciples back in their place, or in the ground if I have to.” she muttered. 

  


“S’what I like to hear from you, Boss.” he growled, his fingers inching up to her thigh, squeezing slightly. “Been so quiet here, I’ve missed seeing you in action.” 

  


Veil laughed quietly at that, grinning slightly. “I’m not planning on retiring just ‘cause things have been going well. Still got more parks to clear out, plenty to do.” 


	2. A Mutt for the Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sera

“Here I thought the boss liked us.” Mason complained. “Leaves me with this useless pup.” 

 

“Piss off.” Sera growled. 

 

“You might want to watch that tongue of yours. Boss’ rules say we can’t kill you. Doesn’t say shit about making your life miserable.” someone told her. 

 

Mason rolled his eyes, nodding to a few of his henchmen. They grabbed the man’s arms and tossed him in with the hounds. Sera watched in horror as they tore him to shreds, the screaming alone enough to make her scurry away. 

 

“You don’t look like much. What are you, like twelve?” he scoffed. 

 

“I’m almost as old as your ‘boss’.” she huffed indignantly. “You only get to say shite like that because of this!” 

 

Gesturing to the collar she wore, he laughed harshly. “You’re still yappin’. You oughta be kissing her boots, she saved your life.” 

 

“Doesn’t seem like it, now does it?” she countered angrily. 

 

“You really don’t know anything. I like you. Dog with a lot of bark can still be intimidating, just wish you still had your teeth. Still doesn’t make you much to look at though.” he shrugged. 

 

“What don’t I know? I know I used to look up to her. I know she used to be a good woman who everyone looked up to, like...like a hero, y’know? Now she’s just like all the other users.” Sera complained.

 

“RedEye tells the damned story at least ten times a day. Go figure the one time it would actually come in handy, he’s busy playing trash.” Mason sighed. “Truth is, she’s a damn sight better than our old boss. Gage plotted everything out. Someone gets through the gauntlet, they take his advice and take him out? We got our new Overboss. No one thought much over her. Broken little thing, looked like life fucking took everything from her. Thought she’d take one look at Colter and piss herself, figured she’d bite the bullet like everyone else. He laughed at her, and something inside her just snapped. There was a fire in her eyes, and she ripped through his armor and tore him to pieces. Like my babies here just did. We knew it right then. That’s one you don’t fuck with.” 

 

Sera snorted at the story. “Shows what you know. That ain’t her. You lot probably pushed her into doing your dirty work. She’s nice, different like from the others who just want to hurt people. No one changes that fast.” 

 

Mason was prepared to have her hauled off to a different part of the park, let her go try this shit on Nisha, rules be damned, her head would be on a pike within the hour. No time for that, the signal chimed, a sign that the boss had finally returned. Mason stood up, filing out with the rest of the Pack, yanking Sera by the back of her shirt collar when she didn’t follow on her own. 

 

“Don’t care who you think you are, you’re the boss’ property now, and she gave you to us. You follow our rules just like any other raider.” He told her. “Come and see your flowery little friend now. You’ll see, she ain’t like you remember.” 

Sera crossed her arms, but kept her mouth shut when he finally put her down by the gate. Gage was the first person that came through, scanning the crowd in silence. 

 

“Mack, need you over here.” he said. 

 

The woman shuffled away from the crowd, holding a bag of supplies. Sera touched her own neck when she saw the collar the woman wore. It looked like they weren’t the only ones wearing them after all. Did she really do this to others? Lavellan came in moments after, her eye blackened, nose gushing blood and lip split visibly even from here. Despite how shitty she looked, she sat patiently while the woman tended her wounds, injecting something into her arm that made the bruises lighten up almost completely. Sirona touched her lip curiously, seemingly pleased with the results.

 

“Thank you.” she said quietly. 

 

“No need to thank me, it...it’s my pleasure to serve you.” she mumbled. 

 

“Gage. Pouch.” she said, snapping her fingers a few times. 

 

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small brown pack, dropping it into her palm. Sirona rifled through it, grabbing a few small metal things and passing them off. The woman quickly shook her head, trying to return them to her. 

 

“Where I’m from, healers are respected. I respect you, I’m paying you.” she said. 

 

The woman looked nervous, but quickly bowed her head and made her way back into the crowd. Standing up from the crate she perched on, she yanked a length of chain, a group of collared men in odd uniforms trailing behind her.

 

“Nish, maybe this will put your men in a better mood. Play with them all you like.” she offered. 

 

A member of the Disciples rushed to grab the lead, looking to Nisha for orders. She said nothing, nodding her head back towards their base.  

 

“Here I go thinking I might be wanting you dead after all, and you go and do something so  _ nice _ .” she said. 

 

“Told you, she ain’t no sweet little girl. That’s a killer.” Mason whispered. 

 

Sera bit her lip. She was willing to defend her to the ends of the world, but she could think of no good reason to enslave people and pass them off to people she’d heard would take great pleasure in killing them. As much as she hated thinking it, maybe Mason had a point. Maybe she really had just changed that much, then again, maybe it was like she told him earlier, maybe she was just being forced to do someone else’s dirty work and was just trying to be brave about it. 

 

Sirona waved Gage to follow her, and he said nothing, following her like a lost puppy, taking the lift back up to her quarters, Colter’s old quarters. She’d since redecorated, but the basics were still there, from what little anyone could see from down here. According to the announcements, she was preparing to clear out Dry Rock Gulch soon, the pair were like as not disappearing to pack supplies. 

 

“Only reason she didn’t kill you outright was because she knows you. Give it time, I promise you, she’ll tire of all of you, and...no...you know, I was initially just gonna cut your tongue out and make you our  _ silent _ mascot, but I have a better idea. We’re gonna get inside your head, fuck you up in here just enough to mold you into one of us. We like our people vicious, wild. Won’t take much to get you there, I can see the chip on your shoulder.” Mason told her after the crowd broke apart. 

 

“So maybe she would. We’re friends, right? We haven’t always saw eye to eye, maybe she would do that to me, or maybe Cassandra, maybe even all her friends, but she wouldn’t do that to someone she really loved. So go ahead and try to hurt me all you like, I’ll never give up. You just be smug about it, you’ll see.” Sera countered aggressively. 

 

“Love? Ain’t no love here. We run on instinct.” He chuckled. “Get pretty heated though, I ever get my hands on her.” 

 

Sera wrinkled her nose in disgust. “You’re not her type.” 

 

“No, you might be right about that. Gage is one lucky bastard.” he muttered. 

 

That thought made her cringe more than a little bit, but she doubted that too. The whole event was a little unsettling. Left her with more questions than answers, and if there was one thing she didn’t like it was questioning things too much. She might not be the most educated, or the strongest, but one thing she was good at was helping the little people and sneaking about unnoticed. Whatever was really going on here? She would figure it out. 

 

“Come on, mutt. Don’t make me drag you around again, you won’t like it.” he demanded sternly. 

 

Ooh, but she was going to pay for this. There had to be a good reason, she was still sure of that much, or at least she thought she might be, but making her deal with a bastard like this? She wasn’t going to let that one go as easily. Sera rolled her eyes, following Mason back to the Pack’s base. He sat back down when they arrived, staring at her blankly for a moment. 

 

“Suppose you got somethin’ to say?” he grunted. 

 

“If you didn’t think much of her, why do you listen to her?” she muttered. 

 

“Because predators know an Alpha when they see one. My boys follow me because they know I’m superior. We’re a loyal bunch when it’s  _ earned _ . She’s been fair to us, and like any beast, we know when to back down. She lets me lead my men, I ain’t stepping up to her.” Mason said honestly. “Mags and her boys don’t give a shit as long as the caps keep coming, and shit, she’s made it rain on them, she has them right where she wants them. Nisha’s about the only one too dumb and out for blood to know she’s on a dangerous path if she keeps bitching about conditions. Seems she’s thought of that one too, with that little  _ peace offering _ .”

 

“So what, she just turns over innocent people to them?” Sera asked, the accusation souring in her mouth. 

 

Mason actually laughed at that, slapping his knees at that statement. “Ain’t never thought to question she wasn’t from around here looking like that, pulling off the shit she does, but now I  _ really _ believe it. Mutt, those weren’t  _ innocent _ people. Those were Gunners. As far as common raiders go, the Gunners are merciless, and cruel. Hell, much as I hate to think she might have softened up a bit, she just saved lives. Not just those fools outside these walls, but here too. Giving them over? The Disciples will be too busy torturing their new friends to try and pick off anyone around here for at least a week.”

 

“You kill each other here?” Sera asked nervously. 

 

“ _ They do _ .” he clarified. “Long as we’re kept happy, we play by the rules. Their only rule is ‘don’t get caught’. They figure what the boss don’t know won’t hurt her.” 

 

“This place is horrible. Anything has to be better than this.” she complained. 

 

“You get the chance, why don’t you ask her about that yourself. You’ll see. She’s thriving here, she  _ belongs _ here. We’re not stopping her from leaving. She don’t have a collar, and most aren’t stupid enough to test their luck. She’s here because she chooses to be, figure that says enough about how much  _ better _ it is out there.” Mason told her. 


	3. About Before...

“We searched for you. Spent weeks scouring all of Ferelden and Orlais looking for any sign of where you went. Solas searched the Fade, thinking you might be there.” Cullen said quietly. 

 

Sirona stopped for just a moment, lightly tapping her wrench on the ground. That was something she didn’t quite want to talk about yet, but she supposed he deserved answers.

 

“Do you recall the reports of Redcliffe. Dorian and I, trapped a year in the future, that hellish future?” she asked, returning her focus to her project. 

 

“Somewhat, the details escape me, but I remember most of it.” he admitted. 

 

“It must have been just as awful for you. We’re almost 1,040 years in the future. For me, at least, it made that year feel like a regular day.” she said. 

 

“I’m...sorry. No, for us it was rather like falling asleep and waking up here.” he told her. 

 

“Then you were lucky. I endured every moment of it, falling through darkness, the nightmares, the endless screaming, I thought I was going mad. I spent countless time begging for mercy, for a quick death that never came. At the end, I was spat out here. I tried to pick up the pieces and make the most of what this place had to offer. I thought if I couldn’t go back, I could make a life here. Instead, I was faced with suspicion and aggression at every turn, people I thought were friends only wanted to use me for their own agendas...It...I...you were lucky.” she trailed off, unhappy with the well of emotions building up inside her. “You  _ are _ lucky.”

 

“It doesn’t feel like luck to have to see you like this. To know you trust me so little you think I need  _ this _ .” he snapped, tugging on his collar.

 

“I do trust you. That’s why I had Gage bring you up. If anyone can understand what it is I’m trying to do, it’s you. I just...things are in motion here, I can’t give anyone a reason to believe I can’t do my job. If you come to hate me, I’ll understand, but just hold out a little more, and I swear I’ll take it off myself.” she assured him. 

 

He wandered over, taking a seat, watching her work. “What are you doing?” 

 

“I gave the Gulch to the Pack. They damaged some of the turrets. I’m trying to stay busy, so I thought to fix them.” she said.

 

“I remember how clumsy you used to be. How flustered you’d get when you’d drop something, or the time you leaned against the stable in Haven and the fencing broke. You made training so difficult sometimes…” he mused. “Now look at you...like this is completely natural to you…”

 

“Well, not everything out there was a complete waste of time. I suppose you’ll think it’s funny. I missed you so much, for so long...I even joined a military faction. Thought I was doing good, followed my mentor and did everything he told me to without a second thought. For a time it was like I never left.” she smiled. 

 

“So...what happened?” he asked hesitantly.

 

Sirona sighed, reaching for the can of water by her side. “I’d been through so much with Danse...he taught me so much…We did some crazy things, gathered and built supplies to rebuild some defunct giant being. Danse and I even went into the deadliest parts of these lands to recover nukes...uh...explosives...and Danse, he stayed behind. The man in charge tells me he’s with the enemy, needs to be taken out and he wants me to do it. I hunted him down, confronted him…”

 

Cullen looked away. “You killed him, didn’t you?” 

 

“No...I...I convinced him there was another way. I left him where I found him, he’s likely still there. I went back up, let everyone think he was dead, accepted a promotion. Things still held some promise after all...until they asked me to take out a different faction they thought might oppose them.” she explained. “It was...bad. But, that wasn’t really the worst of it. Finally, I wandered around, broken like everyone else. Ended up here, somehow survived the gauntlet. Gage told me the last boss’ weakness, and I did as he said, but in the end I didn’t need it.” 

 

“Was there truly no other way?” he asked. 

 

“No way that didn’t involve letting myself be just another pawn. I didn’t want to be used anymore, I couldn’t go back. This is it. They put me in charge, I keep the order, I try a little diplomacy and so far so good, everyone plays nice. It’s a lot better than you might think.” she said. 

 

“Told ya. Out there, people only care about you for what they can squeeze out of you. People will always try to take advantage of you.” Gage said, stepping off the lift. 

 

“You’re back. Report?” she mumbled. 

 

“Your  _ friends _ are fine. Pack is still celebrating, if you couldn’t tell from all the noise down there. Mason said he has something he wanted to talk to you about. Tried to get it out of him so you didn’t have to go, but something something Alpha bullshit. Up to you if you want to deal with him.” he said. 

 

“Later. I’ve seen too much of him already today.” she grunted. 

 

“You saw him long enough to tell him ‘Gulch’s yours.’, Boss.” he reminded her. 

 

“Exactly. Too much of him.” she repeated. 

 

Glancing between the two, she stood up finally, brushing her hands together. “Right. Cullen, this is Porter Gage, Gage, Cullen Rutherford.” 

 

“Don’t matter to me who ya are.” Gage muttered. “Boss says she trusts you, I’ll go with it.” 

 

“That easy, huh? Whatever she says goes?” he asked. 

 

“Ain’t like you’re thinking. She’s been good for this place. Helluva lot better than Colter ever was.” he said. 

 

“You should have met her before. She was always a good leader.” Cullen said. 

 

“No...even then I was too worried about upsetting the wrong people. If I was any sort of leader, I would have concentrated more on what was best for everyone as a whole instead of being caught up in how people saw me, how  _ I _ was hurting the cause just by existing.” she told him. 

 

“Damned if I understand that one.” Gage shrugged. 

 

“In our world, mages aren’t seen very favorably. And elves? Might as well be every bit the savage people think, the way the look at you, how they talk about you behind your back, the way you know every pair of eyes are on you in the worst way, that most people think they’re innately better than you.” she said. “At least here, people use you regardless of who or what you are. No better or worse than the next poor bastard that walks by.” 

 

“Is this place really that beyond hope?” Cullen asked. 

 

“You know what I’ve learned? Why this world is like this?” she countered.

 

“Why?” he wondered.

 

“They dropped bombs on each other, all around the world, turning every place into an irradiated mess where few things grew, people died in the blast, those that didn’t? Well...you’ll see what becomes of those unfortunate enough to live through it later. People here eat  _ bugs _ , giant, mutated bugs. Everything is broken and dirty, and shitty, and it’s been over 200 years since that happened. Everyone feared what would happen if Tevinter ruled the world...I look at this place, and I start to think it might not be as bad as everyone thought. There are worse fates than that.” she said. 

 

“I want to see it for myself.” Cullen told her. 

 

Sirona looked at Gage, and he shrugged as if to remind her it was her choice. “No doubt Mason has a job for me, sure that’s what he wants to see me about. Armor, weapons, stock up on supplies…” she crossed the room, opening a small box tucked away in a drawer by the bed. “If it’s going to be a long trip, I still have the key to my old place in Diamond City. should be alright.” 

 

“I’ll check the back. See what we got.” Gage said. 

 

“I hit one of the old hospitals last time I went out. Medical supplies are probably good. I’ll just head down and see what’s going on.” She headed for the lift, but stopped abruptly, setting the turret on the sidel. “Now I’m off.” 

 

“Expecting trouble?” Cullen asked. 

 

“Trouble? From him? No. I could kill him in five seconds flat if I had to.” she said. “Just gonna bring this back.  _ Gently _ remind them not to break it again, or I’ll break whoever is responsible.” 

 

“She’s changed so much…” Cullen mumbled when she was out of earshot. “It’s bizarre.”

 

“Keep tellin’ yourself that. Right up until  _ you _ change too. No one stays good for long.” Gage told him. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

  
  


Plans had changed rather quickly. The idea was still to get away for a few days, try to pick up a few more supplies for repairs, some other essentials they were otherwise cut off from. It was easy to rationalize it now that she’d been away. This wasn’t her being used, this was her getting what was needed in her own way. Gage wasn’t too thrilled with the casual attire she’d tossed at him earlier in the day, but without all the armor, people seemed to think he was just any other man walking down the road. Probably a bodyguard of some sort, some glances were more curious and lingered a little longer than others had. Cullen didn’t care much for his either, likely only because he always seemed ill at ease in anything less than his own armor. The blade she’d given him wasn’t much either, it flaked in places, poorly crafted. He wasn’t really sure how he was meant to fight anything with it, but he hadn’t felt compelled to try his luck with the pistol she’d tried to give him. Didn’t need something he had no experience with, especially not something that might put her safety at risk. He still very much cared that she remained as unharmed as possible, even as he hated the volumes the collar proclaimed in her silence. 

 

The trio ambled across the bridge, all eyes falling on them as they crossed. The turrets didn’t even whirr to life, obviously still programmed to see her at the very least as no threat. Then again, it was entirely possible based on what little he had been privy to her telling him, one of the few times she ever confided in him anything of substance, that she had built them and set them up herself. Some people crowded closer than others when she got within a short distance of a small dwelling that bore her unmistakable aesthetic. So she had a place here too, not just in Diamond City. Hadn’t seemed to care in the least for it before, and if he looked just right, he could see beneath the faked smiles and excitement to what lay underneath. She didn’t care for it much anymore either.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not setting off for a little while at least, I swear I’ll see you later.” she said, quickly ushering them into the house. She locked the door and drew the blinds almost immediately. “It’s so tiring...feels like just yesterday it was Orlesians, and now it’s just... _ everyone _ .” 

 

“Not even a little happy to see any of ‘em?” Gage asked. 

 

Might not have been the sharpest knife, but he wasn’t exactly dull either. It was a damn big front she put up at times. No mistaking she was every bit someone you didn’t cross, only that she hadn’t quite forgotten that not everyone she’d met was as bad as she wanted them to seem. 

 

“Might as well look around. Kick back, if you want. Get as comfortable as you like, just so long as you’re ready to move quickly if we have to.” she said. 

 

“Why would we need to move quickly? Didn’t you say we were staying a while?” Cullen asked suspiciously. 

 

Sirona said nothing at first, leaning to peer out of a small space behind the curtain. She turned back to face him, a half-smirk pulling up. “Oh, trust me. You don’t want to know the answer to that.” 

 

“Sounds like trouble, boss.” Gage muttered. Cullen might have thought he disapproved had he not been grinning the whole time. “I like your kind of trouble.” 

 

“Hope so. They find me here, it’s going to be interesting.” she murmured. 

 

Gage wasn’t one to snoop, didn’t really have an interest in most people or their style of decorating, but with little else to do at the moment, he left the room. Had to be something less boring than standing around, waiting for probably not a damn thing to happen. Cullen on the other hand, was quite content to stay put, though he stayed quiet. He still hadn’t completely decided  _ how _ different she was, and with the things he’d heard, it was probably a wonder he’d gotten away with so much already. She returned to her seat, and without meaning to, he’d made a grab for her ankles, raising her legs over his lap. As much as he wanted to be nothing less than furious with her, it was still losing out entirely to relief. He was relieved she was alive, he’d feared her dead the moment she vanished, and it had been so long since he’d last seen her, yet everything he’d felt before flooded back. She was harder to read now, he wasn’t able to tell what she was thinking, what she was feeling, nothing. 

 

“Something on your mind?” she finally asked. 

 

He untied the laces of her boots, tossing them to the floor, kneading her ankles lightly. “As ever, it’s...always you.” he sighed. 

 

“I understand, really. I told you if you hated me, I’d be alright with that. There’s no way what I’m doing could seem right. Not yet.” she said. 

 

“I don’t hate you.” he said immediately. His gaze dropped for a moment, and he shook his head. “Why can’t I even be mad at you?”

 

“It’ll sink in soon enough…” she mumbled. “This place...it can really bring out the worst in people. I know there was a time when the thought of the things I’ve done would have disgusted me. I found it repulsive that people sunk to this level. Life looks a hell of a lot different from this side. I wondered at times if Leliana felt this way too, at first.” 

 

“Tell me the truth. If you trusted me so much, why do I need this? Do you really think I’d ever turn on you?” he asked. 

 

“I just told you I never thought I’d be doing these things. If even I can be turned this easily, what would stop you from doing what you deem unthinkable and burying your blade in my back?” she countered. 

 

He opened his mouth like he meant to say something, but in his haste to insist he wouldn’t, he thought back to the circle in Ferelden, to Kirkwall. He had already had a taste of the awful things he could do. Perhaps it wouldn’t take as much as he would like to think. That thought made him feel sick, every bit the disgust she said she used to feel.

 

“I knew it.” she said quietly. “That said, I _don’t_ think you’d kill me. Most of it was a show. A display to keep the gangs from turning on me. I _can_ fix things. I just...need more time. I also said I trusted you. I know you. You’re a man of faith. You never needed proof, you just believe. I never had to try to justify why your Maker might have sent me before. I _know_ you believe me now. I still very much want to show you, to let you see behind the blindfolds too, but I need to know you don’t think I’m lying to you now.” 

 

She had a point. Never once did he ever question whether or not she’d been a form of divine intervention. Not once did he ever doubt she could do everything and more, anything seemed possible with her around. The woman in front of him looked so much like her, but this was hardly the same person. Still, he owed her this much, after all she had said and done for him, he owed her this. 

 

“I believe you.” he said after a time. 

 

Sirona carefully pulled her legs away, swinging them off the couch to cross the room, digging through a scuffed drawer, taking out a few tools. She returned, muttering a quick apology before she straddled his lap, so close he could feel her breath on his cheek, her fingers moving deftly, casting the unlocked collar into a metal bin across the room, dropping her tools down into a bag by the arm of the couch. She moved to return to her spot, and before he could stop himself, his hands had already come to rest on her hips, keeping her closer. She didn’t smell the same way as she used to, but whatever it was, it was growing on him. As almost cold and jaded as she seemed before, the faint blush rising to her cheeks and the way her lips parted, her pupils growing slowly, that was all too familiar. Momentarily forgetting just where they were, and that Gage was still around somewhere, he drew her in, mapping her face and down her neck in kisses, her breath catching slightly in the base of her throat. 

 

He almost dumped her off in a nervous panic when he heard the sound of boots thudding against the floor to a stop nearby. He glanced up, the man glancing over at him for a moment. 

 

“See she let you go.” he said. 

 

“Yes...uh...yeah, I guess she did.” Cullen mumbled. “This….”

 

Gage shrugged. “Boss is a grown woman. She does whatever, whoever she wants, fine with me. I know the rules.” 

 

“Rules?” Cullen asked, confused.

 

“There’s a few. Only one most care about.” He said. 

 

“What is it?” he questioned. 

 

“We’re raiders. We take what we want.” he said. 

 

“You don’t mean…” he trailed off. “People.” 

 

His eyes raked down her back slowly, lingering in places, though he shrugged again. “In a number of ways.”

 

“That’s…” he stopped. 

 

He meant to condemn the sentiment, until he caught her out of the corner of his eye. His hands weren’t clean either. He wasn’t in the greatest place to judge what he hadn’t really had a chance to learn about. If she was asking him to see for himself why her way was better, there was no better way than observing.

 

“She’s not helpless. She doesn’t like somethin’ she ain’t letting it happen. Seen her knock a super mutant on its ass unarmed. No way in hell she does what she doesn’t want to.” he chuckled.

 

Cullen knew that one all too well too. He remembered the look in her eyes when someone would push her past the limits of her patience. That was the look she saved for those who met her blade after she rendered her judgment. She tried to be mild and follow decorum, but people could only get so far before she’d start swiping back. What was it she had said?  _ ‘The only reason I even bring my staff with me is so I hold back. Not interested in tearing someone apart if they don’t deserve it.’  _

 

If he thought about it, he supposed knocking them out was restraint and mercy. If she had really become the polar opposite, she’d have just killed them outright, wouldn’t she? She’d just let him go. Surely if she was going this far already, it was just a matter of making sure the others were on her side completely before she’d let them go too? There was too much he didn’t know. Too many questions left unanswered. Not least of which was bound to be at the very least an awkward and uncomfortable conversation about where they stood, and if the way he’d interpreted the odd interaction meant was he was starting to suspect it had meant.


	5. Captive Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen discovers a series of holotapes and curiosity gets the better of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I share a birthday with Quentin Tarantino. I have a deep love for non-linear narratives. I like the concept of telling the past like this, so here ya go.

“Can you stay here? I’ve gotta make a stop somewhere…”she had said. “There’s some food and drinks in the fridge, I won’t be long.”

 

“I suppose.” he replied. 

 

When she’d left, the raider in tow, he had initially intended just to sit and wait. Curiosity got the better of him, looking around the sparsely decorated home. His mind wandered off without him, wondering if perhaps they’d have had this. If Corypheus had been brought down, and the Inquisition had outlived its purpose, maybe they’d have a house too, somewhere in a place like this. Well, like this if he imagined it as it must have been before it turned into a barren hellscape. His focus returned when his foot hit something solid. Cursing under his breath, he bent to see what he hit, his brows furrowing curiously at the hidden box. He hated the idea of going through her things, but he almost couldn’t help it. Lifting the lid, he plucked out one of the objects lining the rows. It simply said ‘1’, and he was able to figure out the small machine off to the side in the case was where it went. A few more moments, and he had it running, a small static sound came before he heard anything of merit. The voice was far too clinical and detached for his liking. 

 

_ “For the hereby mentioned ‘Enigma’ file, recording observations. Subject appears to be something different entirely. Unlike anything we’ve had a chance to witness. Exposure to radiation for approximately two months, subject displays none of the usual symptoms associated with high, sustained levels. Female, height 5’0. Seems to be of a slimmer build than most, muscle condition consistent with high levels of physical activity. Underweight given her assumed age and height, not unheard of given the scarce resources of the Commonwealth. Subject was given a sedative to allow for a thorough investigation, left eye shows symptoms of internal damage, with little vision loss, oral checkup was satisfactory. Respiration is excellent considering the usual caliber of previous subjects. Displays some signs of extreme muscular and nerve damage in the arm, inconsistent with all prior tested methods of injury. Reproductive quality is questionable at best, displaying non-mutative smaller internal organs and overall appearance. Given the subject’s pointed ears and larger than average eyes, it’s reasonable to assume -- “ there was a knock, and then the sound of footsteps. Eventually, growing louder before the voice resumed speaking.  _

 

_ “Received ‘Enigma’ DNA reports. Subject does not match up to anything we have records of. Conclusion: Subject is not human. Prior consideration of radiation-based mutation was wrong. Suggestion: Further study in high recommendation, data will be entered and submitted for further evaluation. Subject will be turned over to a holding area for safe keeping.”  _

 

It clicked a few times, and came to a stop. Cullen took it out, putting it back exactly as he found it. He wasn’t exactly sure who was speaking, but he had to wonder if this had anything to do with how completely out of place she looked for being somewhere familiar to her. He’d tried to question Gage about it while she was out earlier in the day, but he simply said it wasn’t his place to talk about the things she’d told him, he wanted to know, he had to ask her. He’d tried, but she couldn’t even look at him, her eyes searching the room like she was looking for the quickest way out before she said she had business to see to. Clearly, whatever had her on edge was not something she felt like discussing. It didn’t make him feel any less guilty about this though, like he was spying on her. Reluctantly, he grabbed a random one, this one labeled ‘10’ Putting it in, he heard the same clicking as before, before he heard screaming. No question about it, while he couldn’t exactly  _ prove _ the ‘subject Enigma’ was her, there was no doubt. He knew this voice, it hurt to remember it, but he  _ definitely _ remembered this sound. This was the same sort of screaming he’d heard plenty of times when she had returned from a long mission with injuries to tend to. 

 

He recalled one time in particular, she’d been tossed about by a pride demon according to the reports, her right arm damaged badly enough to need to be reset. The moment the awful crunch struck the air, the sound ripping through her throat was immediate, loud enough that it was likely everyone in the keep had heard it. He knew this sound, and it did nothing to stop his impossible notion of making her stop somehow. It was the other voices he heard this time that set the hairs on the back of his neck on end. 

 

“Get out of my head! I don’t want to see this anymore! Go away!” she shouted. 

 

“Lavellan, don’t you want to talk? Haven’t you missed me?” the voice said. 

 

“Haven’t you been  _ dying _ to see us?” another one said. 

 

Unmistakably, that was  _ his _ voice,  _ Leliana’s _ voice. They’d only just got here, there was no way either of them were present for this. No way they would ever do anything to hurt her. So who was this? What were they doing to her? It was maddening not to know, and unlike the previous tape, this one gave no indication of what was happening. Only that she broke into tears, the sound of her sobbing, of things shattering around her painted the picture for him more than he liked it to. He could imagine her huddled in a corner of a too-bright room, her knees to her chest, tossing whatever she could reach to try and bring a stop to the all-too-familiar voices taunting her. 

 

“Please...please just stop...I can’t...I can’t…” she trailed off. 

 

Another voice, more demanding, dangerous almost. “This can stop whenever you like. No need to probe your past if you just cooperate. Corporal means of punishment haven’t proven effective. Don’t you understand? I have nothing but time. I  _ will _ do whatever I need to do to get this information. Through you, we’ve reached a new pinnacle of potential, and if we can’t get what we need to proceed willingly, then we have no choice but to take this little trip down memory lane. You wouldn’t want to let down your own friends, now would you?”

 

There was silence for a time, nothing save for the muffled sounds of sniffling. 

 

“No answer? Well...perhaps we can’t create a viable enough threat. Lucky for me, you let me see everything I needed. Sanctuary, hm? Looks like there’s quite a few people there. They look like they’re pretty content. Piece of cake to dispatch a couple of Coursers to turn it into a pile of debris. Oh, and what’s this? Looks like you have some friends in the Old North Church...shame if something happened to them.” he said conversationally. 

 

“ _ Vhenan _ …” _ his voice again, that word she’d taught him, the one he saved for when they were alone, the one that made her face light up like she was home again whenever he said it. “You should listen. Do as your told, I’d rather not see you hurt.”  _

 

How...how did whatever it was know what he sounded like, the things he called her, knew that her safety was important to him in the least? He was...furious, really. He had a faceless enemy in these people, and no way to do a damn thing about it. 

 

“Stop...please…” she pleaded weakly, in a way that said she had given up hope that he might actually stop tormenting her. “No more…”

 

“Will you talk?” the man asked. 

 

“I don’t know what to tell you…” she mumbled. 

 

“Wrong answer.” he said severely. “Requesting dispatch at the Old North Church. Whatever you deem appropriate. Hm? Target? If it moves, kill it.” 

 

“No! You can’t do that!” she shouted. 

 

Heavy thumping strikes met sharp metal ‘thuds’, A loud humming crackle sounded, and then, another scream, this one fading to a slow, fading gurgle. 

 

“Shame. I didn’t want to have to resort to that. She’s gonna be out a while.” he sighed. Another click. “We need someone in here to check her out again. She’s not moving, I need to make sure she wakes up, he ain’t gonna be happy if I kill off his new project.” 

 

It clicked repeatedly to a stop, and he took it out, putting it back in place. Closing the case, he pushed it back into place. He regretted ever looking. He’d heard enough to know someone made her suffer, and at least to him, he could make sense of why she had become so drastically different. Torture changed people, made them into monsters, he’d been there and it had taken a lot to move beyond it. He could guess if he had went through the others, it had probably gotten far worse. The question in his mind was whether they finally broke her or if she escaped with any of her sanity in tact. She’d missed him she said, but now that she’d let him go, they hadn’t been alone for long at a time. It was like she  _ needed _ Gage around just to be in his presence. Was she truly afraid he might attack her? Was it possible she somehow still didn’t believe it was really him and not being back in that place again? He couldn’t begin to imagine what ran through her mind when she looked at him, what she must feel. The worst part? He couldn’t simply ask her about it, not and admit he’d gone through her things, invaded a part of her she obviously intended to stay hidden away at that. 

 

Now that he thought about it...the first tape mentioned her arm and eye were damaged. Yet he had seen nothing to indicate that. The technology here vastly outclassed much of what was available anywhere in Thedas, but it still seemed like injuries like that should come with some kind of visible sign. The eye in question had been clear, focused, free of any sign of damage one might expect. And the arm? Had the Anchor caused that? Her hand still bore the familiar glow that said it was still there. Solas had said that unchecked it would eventually claim her life, and yet here she was over a thousand years later, none the worse for wear. He couldn’t explain any of this, as much as he tried to find something rational in it, there was nothing in his realm of understanding that was satisfying enough to sound like it fit. He heard the sounds of conversation outside, and he quickly rushed back to the other room. He grabbed a bottle from the fridge, unconcerned with what it was, only that it look like he had been sufficiently busy. 

 

The door opened, Gage filing out of the way, a few figures tailing close behind her. They weren’t people he’d recognized, save for the woman and one of the men that he’d swear he saw outside when they arrived. One figure at her back was...horrifying to say the least, like parts of him had completely rotted away, not one stitch of skin anywhere to be seen, or at least, if it was his skin, it was degraded heavily. She seemed to catch his glance, moving out of the way, gesturing to each in turn. 

 

“This’s Cait. MacCready.” she paused, her expression flattening for just a moment. “Han-ah!-Cock. John, . Thought we covered this.” 

“We might’ve. Sometimes ya gotta remind me, doll. Chems, remember?” he said with a lazy shrug. 

 

“ _ Anyway _ .” she said severely. “This is Danse.” 

 

“You’re…” he managed. “The one she couldn’t kill, right?” 

 

“I’m a synth.” he sighed. “And no. I tried to talk her into it, she wouldn’t.” 

 

“So what brings you here?” Cullen wondered. 

 

“I can’t return to the Brotherhood on Maxson’s orders. I was getting bored. She can always use another pair of eyes watching her back, I’m here, for better or worse.” he said uncertainly. 

 

“I owe her. She’s gone out of her way to help me, and let’s face it, she  _ did _ hire me. Deal’s a deal, and long as I don’t have to do any of the shit--stuff -- that made me hate running with the Gunners, I don’t mind. Done worse for a drink.” MacCready admitted. 

 

“She helped me. Beyond that, she’s holdin’ me contract. She asked me to come back, so here I am.” Cait added. 

 

“First time seein’ a ghoul? Must be new.” Hancock laughed. “Don’t need to ask me twice. Following my favorite smoothie into Chem World? What’s not to like?” 

 

Gage leaned off the wall, leaning in to speak to her as privately as could be hoped for. “Still don’t know about this Boss. You sure you need these guys?” 

 

She cupped her hand by his ear, turning to answer him. “You know damn well something’s about to boil over. I’m hoping if I flex  _ my _ gang, they’ll be good little dogs and heel. Worse comes to pass? A few extra hands can only help. I  _ do _ have my limitations.” 

 

So these were the people she called friends. Given the people she brought into the Inquisition, he couldn’t really say he was surprised. It was that knowledge, in fact that led him not to question her decision. He knew very well she could get just about anyone on her side and playing nice regardless of their background. Gage unknowingly probably secured himself the absolute best person for the job. If the goal was to keep gangs in line, and get them to work together? There was no one more suited for it. Chances were good he probably already gathered that from the company she brought back. Though they’d only just got back, she seemed restless, continually checking over her shoulder like she was expecting something. Finally, she raked her fingers through her hair, gesturing to the door. 

 

“We should head back. Now.” she said decisively. 

 

“Problem?” he asked. 

 

Cullen now had a good guess who it was she was worried about. Still, if he knew anything about her, she’d be too stubborn to admit it. She’d give some other reason to avoid having to own up to being afraid. 

 

“Not particularly. Just want to make sure my park hasn’t been destroyed.” she said with a shrug. 

 

“Getting mighty comfortable, huh Boss?” Gage asked with a grin. “Not just ‘the park’ anymore, now it’s  _ your _ park. Knew you’d warm up to it.” 

 

“You caught that, did you?” she asked. The look on Cullen’s face said he could tell she was lying, but she couldn’t tell whether the others had picked up on it. “Hell yeah, it’s my park. I’ve earned it.” 

“


End file.
